3,2,1...Happy New Year

I cant believe it is almost 2006. Last year at this time I had just found out I was pregnant. Now she is five months old. Time just flies. J's family is in town this weekend celebrating his families Christmas, so we are looking forward to opening more presents, but dreading putting up all the Christmas decorations.
I have decided putting up Christmas decorations is like going on a trip. You dont mind packing (or putting up lights and tree) because it is fun and the trip will be fun and pretty and if you have new clothes they are fun too, but then you come home and you have dirty clothes to unpack and the trip is over and now you just have all this stuff left to put up (i.e. tree and lights). Christmas is fun and all, but I get tired of putting everything up.
Chloe is getting bigger everyday and is trying so hard to sit up on her own. She is still a little wobbly and when she gets to excited she just falls forward so dad and I are around to make sure she keeps her balance.
As much as we love the holidays are schedules seem hectic and we are getting ready to get back to normal work weeks and routines. I hope all of your holidays were wonderful. Have a happy new year!

Yes...I Do give Autographs

If there is one thing I hate on television and radio it is annoying auto commercials where you are listening and then you realize someone is screaming at you to buy a car. If there is something I hate more than that it is being on camera. I wouldnt even have my wedding video taped at the hate and loathe of cameras. One of Jeremy's friends "con-ned" me into being in one of his short films and I hated every take. But today I got to combine my to hates and be in an automotive commercial. Granted it is not a screaming...buy one of our cars....sort of commercial. It is nice, calm, classy feeling, but none the less...it is a commercial. I know I am not good on camera. I get to tickled at myself, like my mom does when she tries to record the message on the answering machine. But I managed...somehow I did it. And once we were through I found out I was the "lead". So that means this very face that I can find alot of stuff wrong with, as well as my voice, will be broadcasted all over this town and some surrounding others. So if you pass me in the mall, yes...I will sign autographs!

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Now to more important things...
Today my precious parents have been married for 34 years! WOW! Mom and dad, I am amazed by the example yall have shown all of your kids. I missed the first part cause I wasnt around yet, and I am sure yall had a lot of learning to do, but you succeeded and made it work. Not only did you make it work you gave us a loving home with loving parents to grow up with. When we all come together like we did this weekend for Christmas I am reminded how blessed I am to have both my parents there. I thank yall more now, than ever, as I am married and have my own family at how hard yall worked and how dedicated you are to each other. I couldnt ask for two more wonderful examples.

The Shopping Nightmare

Ok let me say a few nice things about my precious husband before I rag on him a little bit. He is so thoughtful and always wants to buy me things that I want. We recently "upgraded" a piece of my jewlery and I got a beautiful watch for Christmas. He is sincere and always wants to surprise me even though I hate surprises. My mom knows this about me, because as a child I would open all my Christmas presents and then wrap them back. I couldnt stand the wait. Well, even after I told Jeremy that my two new pieces of jewlery were just perfect and I wanted no more for Christmas, but last night he showed up with a present to put under the tree...not anything big mind you, but a SURPRISE that I cannot open until we do our Christmas together. Well this has posed a problem for me. I want to SURPRISE him with something, but the ideas he has given me consist of a driver (for golf), a bose docking port for his Ipod(which has to be ordered), rx sunglasses which he would have to be there for, and an Xbox 360 (um, I dont think so)! So now I am bewildered. I asked him if he wanted a watch...no...a new wedding ring...no...clothes...NO! I am stumped, the things that I would like to get him are things that he really doesnt want, and the things that he wants I really cant have wrapped and under the tree. Beside the fact that sending me in a golf store to pick out a driver is like sending Jeremy into a lingerie store and telling him to buy a bra for me...what he thinks is cool and what I think is cool would be two different things. So I am at a loss...what to do...what to buy! So in the most precious way possible my husband has become a hyprocrite. He can surprise me, but in no way is it possible for me to surprise him!

Thoughts...

I just watched on msn. com the "year in pictures." As always there are pictures that make you laugh and pictures that make your stomach drop, but I realized that slideshow lets you view the awesomeness of God and the devistation of Satan. There are pictures of beauty, like a farmhouse in the snow, or a sweet puppy. There are pictures of all the weather we have seen, hurricanes and wildfires. And there is pictures of war and the devistation of war. There was a picture of a little boy, probably about two, standing at his fathers funeral running toward the casket. It was crushing. It made me think of all my "blog friends" whose lives are being affected by loss... the Whaleys are missing their little Noah and I cant even imagine the hole in her heart. Kerri is dealing with her fight for her life, as well as Rick. The Hayes are at the hospital in Brooklyn because Ira cant breathe, and we just delivered a car to a woman who has terminal cancer and probably wont be here next Christmas. But as hard as all of these things are to stomach and they seem even more challenging at Christmas, the irony is that this is a season of hope. This is when our hope began as Christians. The promise was fullfilled, or futures werent in the grave. I know that thought doesnt help alot of people and I am sure for the Whaley's they just want Noah, and I know Laura Hayes just wants Ira to be healthy. But I cant help but be glad that we have hope. The Whaleys will see Noah, and Ira shows me what faithfullness is, and Kerri and Rick are the example of joy in struggles. They have the faith of Daniel. I must admit I have not really been looking forward to Christmas, but in my selfishness, I am glad my Chloe is here and healthy, that my family is not wandering hospital halls, and that Christ was born and died for me to give me hope.

A Daughters Tribute...

My dad never likes a "big to-do" made over him or his birthday, but this is my blog and I can say whatever I want and he cant stop me! So here it goes.

As a a grown woman there are alot of things that I remember from my childhood, and I have heard from my mother every birthday about the day I was born, but one thing that I always remember my dad telling me was that he was the first one to ever see me as I was coming into the world. I always loved to hear that. If one of the Etheredge children is most like my father, most would tell you it was me. Our tempers, our personalities, the way I walk, my rear end; there is alot about me that is alot like my dad. As a little girl I dont remember playing mommy very much, but I do remember playing "business." It didnt matter what business but I was the BOSS! (my poor brother and cousin) But today is my hero's birthday, my hero is a 59 year old man who is no giant and drives a pick up truck. He doesnt look like Brad Pitt and he can be really ornary, but he is my dad and he is my hero. He is the strongest person I know and has never let life circumstances keep him from getting what he wanted. He loves the Lord and has no shame it letting people know that. He is an incredible businessman and a fair boss. He runs his business with integrity and wisdom. He loves my mom more than anyone and I have never had any doubt of that. He is the most generous person and would give you the shirt off his back and the last penny in his pocket. He loves to ride like the wind and play like a kid. He is fun and funny. He always has stood behind and up for his kids, but was never to afraid to spank us if we needed it...and boy did I need it. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt he doesnt like tatoos or tounge rings and he doesnt think it is funny to joke about it either. He is great at giving advice, he loves gadgets, and he is the one who bred Souther Gospel Music in me. Without him our family would be lost. I have always said that if my dad were to die I wouldnt want his money, just his pillow case and voice recorder. My dads voice can still scare me and calm me depending on its tone, but his smell makes me feel comforted. He lives three hours away but would move heaven and earth to get here if I needed him. He cant stand to see his kids in a hospital even if they are having babies. He doesnt know what to do when a baby spits up but will hold his grandkids even with that risk. His kids have learned to manage his practical jokes and are used to waking up to bugs in their face on Saturday mornings. So my hero might be a 59 year old man, but he is better than Superman or Brad Pitt because he is my dad and I love every memory that I have with him and every memory that I will get to have with him. Thanks dad for all the laughter, fun, discipline, compliments, dates and moments that a lot of kids dont have. Thank you for loving all of us and for sticking with us. Happy Birthday!

Dumbo!

Do you ever have the feeling an elephant is sitting on your chest? I mean, that you have so much on your mind at times that you cant breathe. You know, those moments that you catch yourself driving in the car and your mind is so distracted that you think to yourself when you pull into the driveway, "I dont even remember the drive home." Well that is how I feel right now. There are things going on in my life that have me so tied up at the moment. Things that I am constantly trying to work out in my brain, but dont feel like I am getting anywhere. And lucky you, my faithful blog readers...all two of you...get to hear about it. Here are questions that I am trying to answer:
Why is marriage so hard at times?
Why do you feel like you are fighting to make it survive?
Why cant I feel MORE guided by God?
Why do I feel like I am floating thru life right now, not knowing what I really am supposed to do?
Why when I feel like I have made a good decision about a "life change" do I feel like I have anxiety?
Why is it Christmas and I feel like scrooge?

Things right now just dont feel easy in my life. So much seems forced. So much seems confusing. I feel pulled. I feel like I want to crawl into bed and sleep it off. Maybe it is "tired", maybe it is the need to have a moment to breathe. I feel like since I have had her life is a whirlwind, no slow time, no down time, no time to breathe and enjoy being home with my family, with my husband. I feel like I havent seen just him in so long. My soul constantly feels stirred. I know I am not close enough to God as I need to be right now, but I dont know what to do to get closer, feel closer, feel on fire. I feel like people watch me right now and think..."whats wrong with her." People have told me recently I am not the same "K" as I was, and my response to that is...YOURE RIGHT! I am not, I dont feel like the same, happy, smiley, joyful her. I am this other person, this serious, thought envoked, distracted, busy person who doesnt feel like "talking" or being close to people. Its like at times I dont even want to smile. I just walk like a zombie right now. I feel like a zombie right now. I am beyond confused about this. Why cant I feel happy, why cant I feel complete, fulfilled, "un" angry? I know that there are people who are worrying about bigger things. People who are sick, people who are dying, and are hurting for actual good reasons not just because they are a big baby like me. But I miss my joy, I miss feeling happy, I miss feeling complete, I miss me...the old me that found happiness in my family, my husband and baby, my job, my firends. Now I have trouble finding that, feeling that, wanting to feel that. I just feel like a big elephant is on my chest...GET OFF DUMBO!!

Slight Change of Plans...

Just when you think that you have it all figured out there is a kink in the plans. Not a bad kink...actually a very good, positive kink. As it turns out my employer seems to really like me...he likes me, he really likes me...so when I gave him the notice of my departure from the company he began to try to bargain with me, well, yesterday he came back with an offer that I cant turn down. It is the best of both worlds, it is mommy and work in one! I am going to work part time, I will have off two days a week so I can spend them with my sweet girl. I think that this is going to work. It will allow me some "me" time, if you call work "me" time, but it will also allow me some much needed mommy time. I wont miss as much, I can cook, I can clean, I can keep up with life at home. So as it turns out, if you pray God will answer your prayers.

Time...What Time?

I hear myself saying that over and over again...time with laundry...I have to make it...time with my boss...I have no choice...time in my care...on the way home BUT time with my baby and my husband, that I am missing. So in an effort to make sure that I enjoy every minute of this little girls life I have made the very hard but easy decision to quit my job which I love so much. I have quit jobs I hated and I have quit jobs for another job that would be better, but I have never quit a job that I love! I love my boss, my office, the work I do, that I am respected here, that I work with great people, that I get to drive new cars all the time...There is a lot I love about my job, but what I love more than any of those things is the face of my little girl, her smile, watching her sleep, playing with her, dancing for her to make her laugh, feeding her, holding her while she sleeps. It is to hard to miss so much. It is to hard to spend three hours with her at night and spend my weekends running trying to play catch up. i feel like I am missing to much. I have heard stay at home mommies say, "it is one of the hardest jobs, but I have never regretted it." I have never heard a stay at home mommy say, "I hate this job, I hate being with my kids." I wont regret quitting my job, although I will miss it very much, but I will regret missing so much time with my baby. I sat at her four month check up yesterday and stared at this beautiful little girl, and I knew, I couldnt miss any more time with her. So pray for our family as we make this transition, pray for me as I learn to be content at home, and pray for Jeremy that he doesnt feel to much pressure from supporting his family completely. God is guiding this little family that He put together.