Pieces of Meeks

Monday, April 07, 2008

Choosing to Follow

Okay I know it has been a while, but I have a really, really good excuse! To say that life has been crazy around here would be an understatment. At the beginning of March we were told to expect some MAJOR (negative) job changes for J. With a baby on the way, a two and a half year old with a developing shoe fetish and two house payments we were a bit paniced! We began to pray- I coupled that with crying- and we begin to see some door open up. The story is really to long and drawn out to explain, but needless to say I am so glad it is April. God is showing us His faithfullness, and although I dont understand the events of the past few weeks I know that He does and in some amount of time I will be able to look back and see His hand all over this. I have told so many people that I had seen God's fingerprints in so many areas in March, now I seem a bit more confused by that because things that we felt we were led to do have "fallen through" but I am trying to believe with my whole heart that He knows the "plans he has for me..."

I am relieved that we arent having to move or have another house on the market, but at the same time I am still confused at what he is trying to teach me. I know J feels that way because a lot initial confusion came with the past four weeks. I know I am being vauge. Most of my readers know the chain of events and have been faithful in prayer so I wont bore you with details. More than anything I guess it has called into question my ability to fully trust what I think the Lord wants or is doing. I go for a twenty four week ultrasound today and all of these events have put a sort of fear in my life. What if something is terribly wrong, what if Tucker is not okay, what if I am not okay? I feel like, more than ever things are just up for chance.

As a Christian I know I am not supposed to feel this way and more than anything I am allowing Satan to use doubt and fear to run my life. No matter what I am choosing to trust Him, I am choosing to follow a path that gives me no clues as to what is ahead. And I know that I am blessed to have a wonderful faithful husband, a happy precious, silly, giggly two year old who loves me and that makes this journey just a little bit more bearable.