Today, Tomorrow, Everyday...

I have been ok with being pregnant up to this point, maternity clothes have not bothered me all that bad...BUT today I hit a slump, while wearing a black skirt with tall black boots I looked down at my knees and they look fat and white. I am longing to wear a chunky black belt, my size four boot cut jeans and just feel normal, even if only for a day. I am ever looking forward to her arrival and if this is what it takes to get her here I am game, but I have a longing today to just be me, Katie, before fat, before frumpy, before boring, before requires 20 hours of sleep to function. I am not a drinker, but I even wouldnt mind one of those, something, anything that puts me back into normal society. I am tired of juice, milk and water, and I am tired that i cant love a vanilla coke without hours of punishing indegestion. I know there are only three more months, I know that this is short lived and that she will be beautiful and worth it all, but today I want to ignore all of that and just wish that I could roll over in bed with out bladder effort or heaving and groaning like a big cow. Well, it is not everyday for the rest of my life, but I feel that way right now...oh to shop in normal stores, wear normal underwear and fasten a belt again! The woes of pregnancy, i will not burden you anymore with my complaining, to my blog community who reads this little piece of Me...eks, I am sorry this is what you get today!

Over already...

I cant believe the weekend came and went so quickly. I am not feeling quite like myself today, but I think I will survive. I am hungry, but I feel like I did when I had so much morning sickness, so I didnt eat a whole lot of lunch. I dont want to ever depend on this pregnancy to be a wimp, but sometimes I do wonder how I do it all. By that I mean work another 44 hour work week, cook, clean and still manage to get up every morning. I mean I really dont feel good today, but here I sit, afraid to say anything that I might sound like a baby. My boss is fabulous and would send me home right away, but I dont want them regretting hiring me because I cant hold my own. We had such a good time with my mom and dad and we hate to see them leave, I wish everyone could just move up here, or us down there, but that does not seem to be where God is leading us. J and I believe that He has us right where he wants us, and that is a great feeling...that could change tomorrow, but we just miss everyone. My little bro has signed on the play with the Wisconsin Woodchucks again and I hope that this summer will be a fresh start for him to feel healthy and strong and on top of his game. I think he deserves it. It seems like ever since his freshman year he has been hurt, and for him to hurt, it must really hurt. I am just ready for him to be able to play like he wants to again. Plus Chloe will need to see Uncle zach play some ball. Anyways, random musings today. Another week to conquer.

Finally Friday

Ugh! This has been one of those weeks where things just get crazier and crazier. I am very glad it is Friday, and my mom and dad are coming into town which is always fun to have them here. I am going to try to get a tee-time for my father and husband to hopefully play a round of golf, and that will keep them busy while me and my mom hit the stores to shop. I love it when she comes because I have a girl to shop with. That is one thing I miss here is girl friends that I run around with. In SA I have my sister and mom and we always have alot of fun together. Maybe I am not very friendly, but sometimes I just think people suck! I want to be nice and accepting of everyone, but then I am, and I get pulled into peoples drama and it is annoying. My mom said last night that I get into the wierdest situations which is completely and totally true, I always want to "be there" for people and I need to be just...not there. Then I cant get drug into this drama that surrounds these people. Like that new Jodi Messina song, "my give a damn is busted." You know I am not perfect but your drama is your drama. Ugh, this is such a gripey blog but I just get tired of trying to be nice, to have to deal with craziness later. And since I dont know who reads my little publishing, I wont list situations, but my dad has always told me to keep things close to my chest...I think I am FINALLY understanding what that means! It just gets overwhelming at times. Well I am ready for the weekend, I am glad it is here and I will be glad when mom and dad arrive safely.

Just Another Manic Wednesday

This morning I got up and thought I would wear this "cute" pink maternity dress that I had bought from Old Navy, I put it on, looked in the mirror and thought..."funny, I am not as big as a whole family, so why did they make this dress large enough to fit one it." You could have rolled the thing up, put it in your back pack and used it as a tent for camping! It is becoming harder and harder each day to see my self pregnant. I feel like this is never ending all though I know it is. But sometimes, I will catch myself thinking about what I will wear to work and I think black pants, this top and this belt...oops, wait Katie, that is pre maternity, jump to the other side of your closet, ok, now plan...big top with no form, big pants with elastic, big granny underwear and big granny bra...now doesnt that just make your heart pound boys. And God bless Jeremy, he is ever supportive, sweet and complimentary. This morning when I had a break down because all of these big marketing people were in town for this huge sale and I was going to look like the tent we parked the cars under, he said so sweetly...katie, you look cute, really, I promise, you look really cute! Oh well, black maternity pants again today with a maternity top, even my jewlery is having trouble dressing this outfit up. Ok Katie, so what is positive about your outfit, well, I am having an ok hair day. So another day in prego land, where I plod along feeling large and overwhelmingly frumpy! God Bless make up, jelwery and shoes, they all still fit and look ok...atleast for now!

Love My New Job

I have been dealing with feelings of inadequcy ever since I started at the courthouse here in Abilene. I begin to tell myself that I wasnt worth training or for that matter being talked to like a grown woman, except for a select few. Then I took the teaching job which I enjoyed but was merely a babysitter for teenagers. I took this new job and time has flown by, I have already been here a month and a half and I can t believe it. I love it, I love my boss, the owner, the GM and most of the salespeople, everyone is great to me. And even better, they talk to me like a grown up...who knew. I know Chloe is on her way and will be here before I know it, and I have struggled with being a "working mom", (I hate that term...evey mom works) but as I have made myself more at home in this environment I realize that there are great things my daughter can learn from her "working mom" The first that comes to mind is organization, to get me, Jeremy, and her all ready to walk out the door and to get us all home, fed and in bed will be quite to organizational feat! She will probably know how to use a palm pilot at a young age and she will see me be respected and the value of a college education...thanks mom and dad! There will be things that I am sure she will "miss out" on...morning cartoons, relaxing days with her mommy...which I will still be even from my office, I dont know all of them, but I would like to think that she will be independent, business savy (later in life), college minded or career minded and also see that you can love one man for the rest of your life, fall madly in love, have a baby and a career and still be a good wife and mother. I guess that is my prayer, not for acceptance of me being a working mom, but that it teaches her strong work ethic and that she is proud of me. Jeremy is always proud of me, I waiver on my opinion of myself, but as long as Chloe is that is all that matters to me. And I am more reassured that with job where I am respected, busy, liked, and rank higher in the "food chain" she can see those things. I remembe watching my dad and admiring what he did and that he was a "business man" and a godly one at that! I loved playing office as a little kid, and so it is no wonder that I work in one. But being a mom, will be great and I hope that being a "working" one will be okay as well. Well off to a meeting where I can pretend to be important.

Oh what a shame!

Oh what a bad blogger I have been...well actually I read everyone else'e but nothing I have to say seems very important! We never really have comments, partly because my parents havent figured out how to work the "blog thing" yet, but partially because no one knows I blog...UNTIL my husbands last post a girl named Clarissa posted a comments, and to her I say thank you for making what we have to say seem a little bit important. Today is tax day and I have mailed ours off on time, which I am glad to have done, dont want any IRS problems! And I am 6 months a 1 week pregnant, andlast night at 2:00 am my daughter decided to do a jig in my ever expanding belly, I guess when the doctor said she was getting long, I didnt realize how long, she was kicking at one end and punching at the other, it was amazing that she is getting so big. I have these occasional freak outs that I like to call them, where I just think this is to bizarre, there is no way we are going to have a baby, and then I panic and think that maybe something is wrong and she is going to be taken away some how. Gosh I hope I am not crazy and that this is a normal thing to feel. I just picture this beautiful little thing growing so hard for me, I hope it is all what I picture and that I hear a beautiful cry from her that day. This is by far one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I will say not physically. I mean it is not cake walk, but I have promised myself I was not going to be a wimp, but emotionally. I just cant even explain it. Those of you that are mommies understand I am sure, sometimes it just seems overwhelming. My friend Amber had her little girl and she is the sweetest thing and has the cutest little face, it made me want chloe outside so I could kiss her. My dad keeps saying, "lets get her on the ground..." either I am as big as a plane or he thinks that Chloe is being flown in by the stork! We got her room painted and it is surreal to go in there. I walked in there this morning to dig for something in my "pre maternity" box and I did a double take looking at her sweet little crib, WOW and WHOA that is for my baby! Not my sister, who seems like such the pro that is should be her, but for me and my child! I just cant imagine what this rollercoaster is going to be like. Oh well, another day in "pregnancy land" it is hard to imagine that I will ever leave this place and put on old clothes again! I will try to be a regular blogger to my loyal readers...ha ha!