Sometimes I look at my life and the blessings God has given me and my family and it is overwhelming. You would think most people would look at their wonderful handsome husband, beautiful daughter, gorgeous house, wonderful grandparents, aunts and uncles and fabulous friends, not to mention great jobs and our health and be SO grateful for all these things...which I am...more than I can even talk about without getting emotional. But lately there has been this fear in me. Maybe it is because people all around us are sick with cancer, have lost parents or children so unexpectedly or are struggling just to get by. I look at all of it and I ask God, "why me?" Why am I so blessed, why have I been sheltered from tragedy and most of all...WHEN?!?! When is it going to hit my family and what is it going to be and how am I going to be able to survive it. Loosing jobs or homes are hard, no doubt...but loosing family or my husband or GOD FORBID my child, I dont know how I would survive it. I think I wouldnt be able to breathe. I look at people who are having to endure things like this and I wonder how they are getting up in the morning. And then on the 4th as I am cleaning the house for our party to have our great friends and thier precious children while talking to my mom on the phone its like it hits me...is it to perfect?!? How is it that I am so blessed. So treasured. So protected. It makes me feel even that much more vulnerable.
Dont get me wrong. I am not having a meltdown. This is just one of those posts for blog land. Something that I feel completely neurotic for feeling. Like, "come on Katie, just be grateful!" But I would hope that I am a normal mother and fret about my child and her safety and the freak things that happen everyday. So tonight as I pulled in the garage with my 2 year old singing her ABC's in the back seat, it hit me again and tonight I decieded to write about it. So there you go blog land there is my "deep" post for the year. Next week we will be back to our regualrly scheduled Meeks family updates!
