A Peace That Passes ALL Understanding...

I have to keep reminding myself that this is what God promises to give us as His children. Do you think He worries like Mommies do? I am convinced that because I worked in the beginning and never got to fully enjoy all the wonderful things about motherhood that I also prohibited myself from feeling some of the strongest feelings of fear and anxiety ever...let me explain. Last night it is 1:30 in the morning and I am laying there awake thinking and thinking and thinking. My brain wont rest and my chest is tight from being so anxious. I dont know what it is I can handle a high pressure job in the "real world" but this motherhood thing throws me completely for a loop. I worry constantly that she will get hurt, or what would I do if something EVER happened to her, or when I hear stories about the woman who let her child accidentally wander on to the highway, I think how easily she opened the back door and let the dogs in yesterday. I used to interview people at my old job and I would ask them how they thought they would handle the "stress and pressure" of sales as well as the fast paced work day. Then I would begin to describe some of the duties and details of the job. If you were to ask me those same questions about motherhood I dont know how I would answer. I constantly look at the budget. I dont want to spend ANY money because now that I am not working you know that a car will break down or I will go to the hospital or something bizzare like the AC will stop working at our house will happen. This new job as caused me to be a worrier. I am anxious and all I can do is pray...everyday...pray that God continues to give me peace, bless J's business, bless our finances, protect my angel with His angels, and try to remember that if He cares so much for the sparrow that surley He cares this much for me. Working moms have it hard, no doubt, there is stress and a business that I cant describe. But a stay at home mommy has it hard to because she worries about her job that she puts her heart into everyday. She worries about that little person that she is supposed to teach right from wrong, that when she says a bad word on accident after spilling a whole bowl of cherrios that the childs first word will be that bad word. There is a book out call the "Mommy Wars" I know from expierence that neither one of these women have it easy. No one is better than the other because they both are trying so hard to love and do what it best for that child. Last night as I lay there thinking and thinking, I just couldnt help but ask God again for that peace that passes all understanding.